So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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