out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
