She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
