We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
