hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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