I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
