Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
