dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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