plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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