He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
