When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
