Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
