if you like me you must not know who I am
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Who died my cat blue again?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
