Will you blow on my dice?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
