I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
