I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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