We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
