it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drunk is not a location!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
