it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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