Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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