its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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