How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
