Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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