i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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