You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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