i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
