Your face is a jimmy john
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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