i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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