We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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