He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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