i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
