how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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