my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
