Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My penis needs a shock collar
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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