do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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