you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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