I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
