you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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