$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
