I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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