If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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