theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We're too hungover to prance.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.