hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue