Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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(208): View more from Idaho

I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

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(207): View more from Maine

I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly

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(404): View more from Georgia

Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis

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(785): View more from Kansas

Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...

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(727): View more from Florida

You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.

Fav 0 78 5
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