I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction