in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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