I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
