In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
