Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
