I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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