So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
