Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
