Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
