god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
