I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize