I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
