even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
