Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
