PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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