I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
