Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
