I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
