Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
